Thursday, 15 May 2008

• Those Lights Were Ours

  I have run short of words but not of thoughts.

  
  Therefore, rather than being overly organized in my writing, I will just say everything I had in mind to say.

  
  To someone: I would do anything for you to come to know Christ. You don't know who you are, but I know who you are, and I love and pray for you.

  I wrote a love song to God. It is about being in the garden of Eden before the Fall. I keep thinking about how pure Adam's love for God must have been. Surely he must have been awed and overjoyed at being in the intimate presence of his Creator. The thought of this stirs up a fire in my chest and a song in my lungs. It causes me to praise God for how amazing He is and for how small and unworthy I am. It never ceases to amaze me. I want to be how I imagine Adam was- completely in awe of and in love with who God is. I want my love for God to be pure and undistracted. 

  This causes me to want to be better than I am. I want to know not only that God loves me, which I do know, but that He is pleased with me; for I am not very pleased with myself.

  I wish that I could do more. I wish that I were in China right now helping earthquake victims. I wish that I were in another country reaching out to the victims of cults. I wish that God had not bound me so. He has bound both my legs but has continued to allow my heart to beat freely. I wish that He had not, but I know why it is that He has. I am still so small; therefore I cannot yet do the things that I wish to do. I am still so small.. still so small. 

  
  I am humbled, but equally intimidated.

  
  I feel like a little girl pressing close to her father's side and looking up to him for direction. I am happy to be in this position-- pressed close by Your side, God; and looking up to You for guidance and direction.

   

  The source of my entry's title:

  
  No one ever told me that forever means tomorrow
  And that lonesome hearts for sale are simply hearts for lend or borrow
  I stand here as another takes my place with you beneath the stars
  I wish you would have told me
  I thought those lights were ours

  
  
  I'll go to bed now.

   

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